What I've Been Up To (Besides Reading)

It's been a while since I've done any posts that revolve around food or travel. I think about those things all the time, but I haven't written about them in a while.

My body is continuing to heal from all the digestive/IBS issues that have exacerbated the past few years and I finally found a solution with the Low FODMAP diet. I feel like going through that 6 week elimination two summers ago was my body's way of purging all the toxins that were causing my digestive system to overreact to almost everything I ate. I can't say that I can eat now with reckless abandon, but I have been able to add some foods back into my diet that were causing me problems before.

What else have I been up to? Well, I won't be writing about any big trips this year because my husband and I elected not to take a big summer vacation this year like we always do. Why is that? Well, because we just moved to Ann Arbor.

A horrible, sweaty picture of my husband and me post-run in front of our new house

I have always loved this town. This is both a physically, culturally, and politically active community, and as such, I have felt more motivated to get out of the house and get moving. I can now walk and ride my bike to places, whereas before, our neighborhood was not conducive to walking or bike riding. 

I also recently left my social media coordinator position with NCTE due to some reorganization they've been doing, but no worries because I accepted a full time position at my school next year. I will be teaching my regular 8th grade English classes, but then I will also be the K-8 librarian! To say I'm excited would be an understatement.

Since things seem to be falling into place, I'm hoping to start writing more regular posts here on the blog, especially food and book-related posts. Travel? Those posts will likely continue to be few and far between unfortunately.

Feeling my way through life and music

About the only thing that impacts me more emotionally than books is music. When you hear a song you love for the first time it can be a transformative experience.

I played piano for 13 years, and while I did not have a natural talent for playing (small hands and short fingers) I had a passion for it. The emotion those 88 keys could evoke in me when I sat down and played a Chopin Nocturne or a Beethoven Sonata was better than any therapy.

And while I don't play piano with any sort of regularity anymore, music still rewards me with transformative experiences. And you know when you're having them because the little hairs start raising on your arms from the goosebumps.

One such experience happened to me over Christmas break. My husband and I have a friend, Tiffany, whom we've both known since before we knew each other. Her older sister Wendy introduced us actually. We all (the sisters and I, that is) had the same music teacher growing up. After high school, Tiffany studied musical theater at the Boston Conservatory and now has her eyes set on Broadway.

While she was home over Christmas break, she performed some of her own songs at a local coffeehouse and while her entire set was flawless, one particular song she performed gave me those goosebumps I was talking about. So much so that midway through the song, I found myself a fountain of tears.


As I sat listening, I was initially taken by the beautiful yet mournful gypsy melody. But then I found the words rather curious. I wondered who she was referring to when she sang, "Those eyes are watching you, those eyes are watching me." And then for some reason, those lyrics put me in mind of The Great Gatsby and the eyes of Dr. T.J. Eckleburg. I have no idea why. John Green's influence most likely. But then the song changed course and around 1:35 I realized this song had a deeper meaning and I didn't know what it was. I had an idea, but at the same time, I didn't need to know. I was leading with my emotions and I just wanted to feel my way through the song. So I sat there and just let it wash over me. Even then I knew that while it might be a small moment in my life, it is one I would not soon forget.

What small, seemingly insignificant moments have been transformative in your life?

i carry it in my heart

About a year and a half ago while lying in bed, I leaned up against my husband's chest to cuddle with him as I had done many times before. But on this particular night, things went a little bit differently. For some strange reason, I actually stopped to listen intently to his heart beating. I had heard his heart beating previous to this occasion, but it had always been more like background music. This time, I made sure to actually listen to the song lyrics. And it was at that point I realized I had never listened the words before. Wanting to make sure I heard right, I leaned in even more and discovered the sound I was hearing was an irregular hearbeat. A few weeks later I mentioned something to his younger sister who's a nursing student and she got out her stethoscope to listen more accurately. There was immediately a look of concern and she said, "You really should see a doctor about this."

Today was the culmination of that fateful comment. I'm sitting here typing this entry in an empty house while my husband sleeps peacefully (I hope) at U of M Hospital. He had a catheter ablation performed today to eradicate the pathway in his heart that was creating his arrhythmia. Everything went well and his doctor is pleased with the results. I can't tell you how relieved this makes me. As long as I live I don't think I'll ever forget that feeling of dread I felt when we were shuffled into the consultation room to talk to the doctor after the procedure. My logical mind told me, "Beth, this is a routine procedure. Everything is fine." But then my irrational mind took one look at the comfy couch and chairs along with the low, warm lighting that decorated this consultation room and all I could think was, "I wonder how many times doctors have had to deliver bad news in here..."

So of course when he came in and said that everything went fine, I had to hold back my tears of relief for fear of looking like a blubbering idiot.

Other than the fact that his procedure ended at 3:00 and he didn't get a room until 9:15, I have nothing but good things to say about the staff at the U of M Cardiovascular Center. The doctors, nurses, nurse practitioners... they were all competent, caring, and congenial. Given the grandiosity of the U of M Medical campus, I was amazed at how personable everyone has been thus far. I feared we'd feel like nothing but a number, but as a whole, everyone made us feel like we matter (with the exception of the room debacle, but I'm just going to try to let that go).

Despite the success of today's procedure, I'm still having a hard time letting go of my irrational fears long enough to go to sleep. I worry that the morning will bring some unexpected twist of fate that no one had anticipated and that, in reality, the procedure wasn't as successful as they initially thought. Of course this is a ridiculous thought and should be shoved out of my mind, but I can't help thinking it.

So I'm going to shut this computer down, turn off the lights, and fall into a light, turbulent sleep hoping that no results, cardiac or otherwise, get overturned in the morning.


In honor of my husband, I thought today's poem by E.E. Cummings was appropriate:

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)